I initially didn't want to be involved in equine health care...
I wanted to be a horse trainer, the best in the world. I didn't really pay attention to anything else, I didn't know how hooves should look, how to check my horse's vital signs, or even when a horse was stressed or in pain. I was only focused on achieving the next training goal and pushed myself and my horses to achieve it.
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You see, this wasn't intentional. I started out wanting to become a trainer so that I could improve horses' lives after seeing how terribly my rescue horses were handled and how scared they were. I initially fell in love with horses when I met my first horse, Flicka. When I looked into her eyes, I saw fear and uncertainty, but more than that I saw a lost individual seeking for someone to understand. In a way, I saw myself that day… I was bullied at school, rejected by whom I regarded my friends and family, judged for who I was, criticised for how I looked… And it all left me with the impression that I will never be good enough, pretty enough, or tough enough.
I looked for society’s approval, approval as a person, and approval as an equestrian...
In order to get the approval I desired, I shoved down any emotion of needing to be softer in training, because to be accepted I needed to be tough, needed to be strong, needed to be perfect, so I could fit in with the other traditional equestrians. Something was still missing though, I didn’t have the relationship with my horses that I wanted, instead, they became less and less willing to work with me and started losing their joy. Then Elvira came into my life... I tried to become her leader and get her tamed, but the more I tried to get her under control the more dangerous she became. That's when I stumbled across a positive reinforcement trainer, the method looked strange and I have never even heard about it before, but was close to giving up and decided I needed to try something different.
I realized that I would need to change everything, and that felt like admitting that I was indeed a failure...
But the more I started experimenting with this new way of training, the more I started to realize how much I had been holding onto having control over my horses, and in the process, I was taking away their voice and forcing them to obey. I realized that I was also doing this with my closest family, the ones that HAVE been there for me. What I’ve been doing through my way of training was fueling the fire inside of me, the anger and the hurt from past criticism, and rejections. I initially started out just wanting to help, but ended up chasing success, recognition, and acceptance through my horses… It was time to take off the facade and learn how to be unapologetically me.
I started rediscovering why I loved horses so much, uncovering a passion that got lost in the persued of acceptance.
I started letting go of my anger and hurt, of my need to have control, and of the old me, the one I thought I needed to be. As I was healing from my past I could truly start helping my horses heal, from the ugliness they've seen in this world too. After that I started building true trust with my horses, Elvira started to voluntarily run around with me at liberty and I found the connection I wanted all along, and could finally give her a voice.
Then the challenges with my horses' health came around the corner...
Three of our horses were diagnosed with chronic laminitis after the third vet came to see them. The first two vets couldn't diagnose what was wrong and only prescribed anti-inflammatories which barely made a difference. I was devastated when I heard the news but relieved that we finally, after a year of searching, had a diagnosis. It broke my heart seeing them struggle, so out of breath trying to get one hoof in front of the other, lying down for hours not wanting to get back up. The vet told us that if something didn't change soon, we will need to put down all three. Half of our herd…
Everything the vet suggested I either couldn't afford or it would reduce their quality of life drastically; dry lot, soaked hay, rocker shoes, etc. I didn't want to result to putting them all down, they were a part of the family. But I didn't know where to begin, where to turn, and found the information online overwhelming, conflicting and confusing.
I realized I couldn't be halfway committed to their health, I had to fully jump in.
So I spent days researching, looking for solutions, and I found some kind individuals along the way who were willing to help teach and educate me, so I started taking action. I changed the horses trimming, which I took over completely with the new knowledge I gained, I also changed their herbs which I started learning about ever since the day Flicka got sick with AHS, and I made changes to their lifestyle. Every day they started improving and kept improving. Today they are all still here, living out on pasture 24/7, able to run around with their herd.
So I've been there, I understand how it feels...
When you fight with your horse and cry afterwards, feeling like you hurt your best friend. When you are trying something new and are terrified of whether it will turn out good or end up in a disaster. Or when you just want the best for your horse but feel completely overwhelmed and lost, not knowing where to go next
But that's why I started TrulyTrust, to help those who struggle as I did
My mission is to help you on your journey to creating a better, more vibrant life for your horse. To give you a starting point, to help you identify and overcome obstacles, to reduce your horse's pain, and to help you enjoy worry-free time with your horse, not needing to wait for the next costly vet bill.
Course provider at EA
