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I initially didn't want to be involved in equine health care...

I wanted to be a horse trainer, the best in the world. I didn't really pay attention to anything else, I didn't know how hooves should look, how to check my horse's vital signs, or even when a horse was stressed or in pain. I was only focused on achieving the next training goal and pushed myself and my horses to achieve it.

You see, this wasn't intentional. I started out wanting to become a trainer so that I could improve horse's lives after seeing how terribly my rescue horses were handled and how scared they were. I initially fell in love with horses when I met my first horse, Flicka. When I looked into her eyes, I saw fear and uncertainty, but more than that I saw a lost individual seeking for someone to understand. In a way, I saw myself that day… I was bullied at school, rejected by whom I regarded my friends and family, judged for who I was, criticized for how I looked… And it all left me with the impression that I will never be good enough, pretty enough, or tough enough. 

 

I looked for society’s approval, approval as a person, and approval as an equestrian...

 

In order to get the approval I desired, I shoved down any emotion of needing to be softer in training, because to be accepted I needed to be tough, needed to be strong, needed to be perfect, so I could fit in with the other traditional equestrians. Something was still missing though, I didn’t have the relationship with my horses that I wanted, instead, they became less and less willing to work with me and started losing their joy. Then Elvira came into my life...  I tried to become her leader and get her tamed, but the more I tried to get her under control the more dangerous she became. That's when I stumbled across a positive reinforcement trainer, the method looked strange and I have never even heard about it before, but was close to giving up and decided I needed to try something different.